


Safe

by TearDrop1234



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Coming Out Videos (Phandom), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:33:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TearDrop1234/pseuds/TearDrop1234
Summary: Phil is in a mood and works his way through it with a naked Dan.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 14
Kudos: 100





	Safe

Phil pulled his t-shirt overhead. One minute he saw white cotton, and the next he saw Dan standing in the doorway. He placed a hand over his chest. “You scared me. I thought you weren’t ready for bed.”

Dan leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. “I’m checking on you.”

“Told you I was going to bed.” Phil slid his bottoms down, leaving only blue pants to keep him warm. 

“You’re rather moody tonight.”

“I’m tired is all.”

“Huh. Want me to make you toast?”

Phil settled into bed, yanking the duvet dramatically about his waist. “No.”

“You know you want it.” Dan tugged his shirt off and dropped it as unceremoniously as Phil had. “You always want toast.”

Phil looked him over. “Is that your toast making outfit?”

“Nope. That’s old business. Changing uniforms now.” Dan pushed off his pj bottoms and kicked them to join his shirt.

Dan in nothing but black underwear. That look never got old. “And what’s this uniform for?”

“Stalking.”

“Not very subtle.”

“But I’m stalking you so it’s rather appropriate. I’ve already garnered quite a bit of information.”

“Such as?”

Dan crawled into bed. “Such as you’re still wearing your contacts, so you’re not ready for sleep yet.”

“I’m trying to relax first.”

Dan pulled Phil against his body, holding him close beneath the bedding. “So, relax then.”

Dan’s chest against his cheek, a hand stroking Phil’s back, it was lovely, but not enough to help him escape. It would have been, if Phil could block out the chant of voices in his head. ‘What if?’ they asked. What if, what if, what if. 

Dan gave him a brief, questioning squeeze. “You’re so tense. What is it?” 

Dan’s body, warm and familiar, holding him close - why couldn’t that be all he needed tonight? But his heart was clouded with grey and his head hurt from thinking. Bad dreams of mischief and thoughts of despair circled around him like a bird of prey. 

Phil shrugged awkwardly within Dan’s hold. “I don’t know.” 

“We were on the couch in comfortable silence, diddling around on our phones as we do, and then suddenly you’re storming off.”

“I didn’t storm off.”

“You emotionally stormed off,” Dan offered, his voice more subdued than annoyed. 

Everything was okay. It was fine. Dan cared. But why did he feel so fragile? He wanted Dan to pick up the shards of his emotions and put them back together, but how could he do that when Phil didn’t even have the words to explain? 

Though Dan drew melting circles of warmth on his back, inside Phil had cracked. He needed something to make the worrying stop, if even for a while. He worked to keep his voice steady. “Before we met, did you touch yourself and think of me?”

Dan’s circling movement stopped. “What?”

Phil titled his head back, looking up at Dan. “When you used to watch me, before we met, did you ever touch yourself while thinking about me?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You know I did.”

Phil pulled up on the elastic waistband of Dan’s pants and snapped it against his hip.

“Ow.”

“Did that really hurt?”

“Yeah. Is that what you wanted?”

Phil pushed himself away, rolling to his back and out of Dan’s grasp. 

Dan sighed. “I know something isn’t right. Why don’t you tell me what it is so I can stop being annoying by continuing to ask?”

Phil needed an escape. Not an escape from Dan, but with him. He still wanted his touch. He wanted it like it always had been. He slouched against the headboard, watching Dan with an unblinking gaze. “Show me how you would touch yourself before me met.”

Dan’s eyebrows rose to attention. “You want me to Skype in front of you?”

“No. Don’t joke. Before you met me at all. When you watched my videos.”

Dan gave him a not subtle once over “You’re being serious?”

“It’s only us here. What’s to hold you back?”

“Alright then.” Dan placed a hand on Phil’s thigh and squeezed.

“Uh-uh. Do this right. I wasn’t there. You can look at me, but don’t touch.”

Dan laughed in disbelief. “So bossy. Can I at least straddle you?”

“Okay. But no hands on me.” Phil knew he verged on sounding obnoxious, but so what. And Dan didn’t exactly look annoyed. 

Dan yanked back the duvet still clinging about them and straddled Phil’s hips. He hooked his thumbs into his pants, holding Phil’s eyes as he drew them down. 

Phil’s body betrayed him with a quickness, flooding with heat, the dam broken by Dan’s unabashed display. He loved this fleshier part of Dan’s body, his fuller thighs and wide hips. They were too close to one another now. He should have kept him at arm’s length. 

Dan’s cock looked the way Phil’s own probably did trapped inside his pants. Rising, filling out, blossoming. Dan looked so beautiful it hurt. How could anyone not help but want him? Phil swallowed a sigh that travelled all the way down to his groin.

“I want to kiss you so badly,” Dan said. He took his cock in hand, stroking almost absently.

God, that was nice, but Phil remained steadfast, giving a barely discernible shake of the head. His voice scraped. “Talk to me. Tell me how it used to be.”

Dan ground down against him, buttocks nudging Phil’s hidden dick. 

Phil squinted his eyes shut. “Don’t. Not yet.”

Dan stopped moving, but stayed rested against Phil’s body. “You’re already getting hard.”

“Stop teasing me and start teasing yourself instead. What did you do while you watched me on that screen? 

“You want to know?”

“I want to see it. Before you met me, what did you do?”

“I stroked myself, probably in a stupid frantic way half the time,” he said, while doing the exact opposite. He held himself, moving with a lazy hand. “I didn’t have a lot of patience or nuance back then.”

“What else?”

Ruddy dollops sprung to his cheeks. “Sometimes I’d say your name.”

Phil liked when Dan said his name. He wanted him to say it now, but there was no reason for it. “I wasn’t there. AmazingPhil wasn’t there. So what else did you do?” 

Dan’s hand stroked the length of himself, the dusty pink tip playing hide and seek inside the delicious slide of his foreskin. “I did a lot of this while you played on the screen. Sometimes I’d pause a shot of you.” 

Phil made the mistake of looking up for a moment, of catching Dan’s eyes on him. He’d already told him not to touch, he couldn’t exactly tell him not to look either. He ached so hard for him. 

Dan relaxed back with one hand braced on the mattress, the other still grasping and stroking. “What do you want?” That clear, crisp voice of his turned to rubbed gravel. 

Didn’t he already have what he wanted? Wasn’t it right there in front of him? But that didn’t stop him from saying, “More. Show me more.”

Dan expelled a heavy, though not impatient, breath. He rubbed his thumb over the straining head. “Like this. Sometimes I’d start out slow. I’d be in bed, alone, and you’d be there on my computer, or sometimes only in my mind. I liked everything about you. I thought you were so hot. I was right. You are.” 

“Oh.” Phil could barely hear his own word. He wasn’t even sure he said it.

Dan continued working his hand, and Phil could nearly feel it himself. His body nudged against Dan’s backside, only thin material separating them. The pooling of blood numbed his anxiety, as if none was left to circulate his brain.

Dan’s stroking quickened a bit. “I watched you, and I wanted you to touch me, and I wanted to touch you, and I wanted you to kiss me and hold me, and I wanted us to fuck.” His voice quavered. “And I wanted to slide between your perfect lips and you to be between mine.”

Phil grabbed Dan’s hips. His dick and his heart hurt. 

“I’ve been getting off to you longer than you have me, you know.” Dan said. “Sometimes it was like this.” He stroked more. The head of his cock dribbling clear. He moved his hand down to cup his balls. “I wanted you.” He gave a half groan, half laugh. “And now you’re mine. How’d I do that?”

Phil reached up, taking Dan’s face between his hands and pulled him downward, kissing him hotly, desperately. He wanted everything, but this first - their mouths and tongues meeting, tangled together in the same way their bodies first ever could so long ago. Dan moaned, his cock pressing into Phil’s stomach, his hands gripping Phil’s shoulders. 

“What is it?” Dan asked, when the kiss broke. He rubbed his nose against Phil’s. 

Every possible answer clung together, cocooned in his throat. Would Phil always be enough for him? _The mutuals, sexual attention, suddenly they start leaning in_. Phil shook his head. “Let’s just fuck. Okay?”

It seemed that Dan’s breath paused for a moment, and then he kissed him quietly, nodding. “Yeah.” He rolled to the side, ending splayed on his back, kicking off his pants. 

Phil discarded his own with a quickness, finally free, hardness jabbing the air, searching for warmth. 

“The lube’s on your side,” Dan said.

Even after all these years, Phil almost smiled at that. His side. They had sides, and they had them together. How had doubt managed to grow like strangling moss? Well that was a damper. Phil glanced at Dan waiting for him. For him.

Dan caught his eye. “Get over here.”

Phil paused, the lube container in his hands already snapped open. 

Dan rolled to his side, torso propped up with a bent arm. He eyed Phil. “Let me suck you first,” he said, his low, sincere voice nearly a stroke between Phil’s legs in its own right. 

Phil dropped the already forgotten bottle and inched closer. He took himself in hand, guided himself between Dan’s lips. If his dick wanted warmth, it found it there, in Dan’s swaddling tongue, his siphoning mouth. He slid his fingers into Dan’s hair, curls wrapping themselves loosely around Phil’s skin.

Dan looked strangely angelic when doing this. Each rise and drop of his mouth a sincere effort, his eyes either closed or looking up in seeming wonder. Each hungry suck seemed to harbor the questions do you like this, want this, while offering the affirmation ‘because I do’.

Phil was so hard and this was so good. Too good. And this wasn’t how he wanted it to end. He gathered any ounce of control he had left and slid free of Dan’s mouth with an audible pop, and even that had felt incredible. Phil stared at the dampness of Dan’s lips and blindly groped for the lube. The lid still stood open, the bottle oozing without a squeeze. He smeared it across his palm before Dan took it, spilling some onto his own fingers and tossing the bottle aside. He reached down behind his balls, hips raised. Phil stroked his cock, both to slick himself and to ease back the ache Dan’s shameless show gave him. 

Phil had expected his night to end curled up in bed alone while Dan watched videos in the lounge. He hadn’t expected to be kneeling between Dan’s legs with his cock aimed for his now slick pathway. Their draw to one another was just like that sometimes. And as he pushed back on Dan’s knees, spreading him apart, opening him wider, finding his way inside, he wondered why he questioned it, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. Dan was waiting to get fucked. By him. And as Phil sunk in slowly, deeply, for a moment that’s all that mattered. 

“Oh.” Dan bit his lip. No matter how many times they’d done this, the initial feel of Phil inside him always seemed to astonish.

Phil remained unmoving, watching Dan’s face. “Alright?”

Dan nodded, still biting his lip. Phil leaned in, setting it free with a kiss. 

Though they were both ridiculously hard, Phil moved his hips with a quiet restraint. Right now, with their bodies anchored throughout kisses and held gazes, this moment was theirs only, and Phil wanted it to last. He wanted everything they had to offer one another to last forever. 

Phil knew Dan couldn’t hold out long thanks to his show and tell, and soon enough, Dan exhaled a moan against his lips, encouraging, “You can go faster.” Dark eyes, tousled hair, berry lips, skin flushed - with that sight lying beneath him, abandoning control wouldn’t be a problem.

With Dan’s legs hooked over his, the front of Phil’s thighs met the underside of Dan’s in every push and pull. Dan worked one of his hands confidently between them while searching Phil’s body for purchase with the other. He slipped from hip to back to butt cheek, where he squeezed possessively as he lost the fight, uttering Phil’s name like a prayer as he did so. 

Dan’s body clenching around his was enough to push Phil over. “Gonna finish inside you.” Phil told him, voice low and unwavering. It wasn’t a first, had been done many times before, but he had the urge to say it, not knowing which of them the words were for. 

Dan, still catching his breath and half hard as he floated down from the ride, nodded. “Don’t stop.” 

Phil kissed him, messily, control over his body slipping away. He dropped his face to Dan’s shoulder, offered his skin huffs of breath and a muffled cry. Dan squeezed him close, spreading his own warm stickinessbetween them until Phil gave Dan all he had left. He slumped against him, boneless, holding Dan near despite the tacky heat. 

Dan stroked his back for a while and then asked, “Was that make up sex?”

Phil listened to the beat of Dan’s heart beneath his ear. If every heartbeat became audible to the naked ear, Phil would be able to find Dan’s in a crowd. “That was raw angst sex.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve had that.”

“I suppose it was my turn.” Phil swallowed. “When it’s this good you don’t want to lose it.”

“The sex?”

“Everything.”

“You’re never losing me.” Dan pushed halfheartedly at Phil’s shoulder. “If for no other reason than I think our bodies are now permanently stuck together.”

Phil laughed and rolled to his side. “There. You’re free. Take flight. Go hang with the pigeons.”

“Not if I’ll have to be on pigeon cam.” Dan planted a kiss on his lips. “Shower instead?”

The angst lightened further. “Wash my back?”

“Don’t I always?”

***

The air smelled of spiced cranberries, and hot water rained down Phil’s back, but that didn’t stop goosebumps from forming as Dan trailed a soapy path from Phil’s chest, to stomach, to the plane of his abdomen. 

“Sorry about the moodiness,” Phil said, voice so low the beat of the shower nearly drowned it out.

Dan squirted out another pool of crimson shower gel and warmed it between his palms. “I’m washing away your sins. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” 

“We should talk about it.”

Dan reached for Phil again, resting one hand on the small of his back and using the other to cup his balls, maneuvering them with careful fingers. “I know I wanted that before, but right now?”

Each caress tied Phil’s tongue further. He shook his head. Everything he feared no longer having, surrounded him in that very moment. Closer than his skin, nearer than the beads of water - this was his quiet, attentive, endearing Dan. His. With sex Dan had told him, yeah, I want you, just as with this he told him, and I love you too.

Phil brushed aside the doused ringlets decorating Dan’s forehead and kissed him, gently, like a first time lover. Dan’s hands all over him, caring for him - more of Dan, that’s what he wanted.

“So make me a saint, then,” Phil told him.

Dan smiled. “Turn around. I’ve still a lot to do.”

***

They settled into the spare bed occupying what was once known as Phil’s room. And in a sense it still was, but mostly because it housed a lot of Phil junk.

Phil had lit a spicy maple candle, knowing later there would be the question of who’d have to blow it out. But the smell was relaxing, and Phil didn’t want darkness quite yet. He wasn’t done running from ghosts. And though his contacts were out and his glasses put aside, he also wasn’t done looking at Dan.

“You can clean the other sheets tomorrow,” Dan said, slipping into Phil’s space and draping an arm across his waist, their bare skin meeting once again. 

Phil laughed. “Sure.”

“That sounded convincing.”

“I will.”

This was nice, lying in subdued light, holding each other, touching for comfort instead of enticement. 

Dan kissed him then, sudden but soft, feeding Phil’s soul with affection. Phil knew Dan understood the need for it even when he didn’t exactly know the why.

Dan propped his head up on one hand and circled Phil’s chest with the other, his fingers dancing patterns in the faint chest hair, each touch collecting cobwebs of worry. “Are we going to sleep or talk?”

Phil shrugged. “It seems silly now.”

“It’s only two in the morning and we’ve nowhere to be tomorrow. We have time for silly.”

Phil chuckled. “Only two in the morning. What are we?”

“Apparently, you’re a saint now. But I’m also still a devil.” Dan grasped the side of Phil’s face, long fingers snaking across his cheek, and turned him sharply. “Look deep into my eyes and tell me your fears.”

Phil watched as flames flickered inside dark circles and licked at skin as intimately as his own tongue had before. “Oh. You are a devil,” Phil said, leering. He wanted to tug at Dan until he toppled over him, so as to burrow beneath this beguiling creature and hide from every stupid worry that chased him like an unsteady madman.

“I’m not sure about the saint part of you, though. I mustn’t have done an adequate job in the shower.”

“You were more than adequate. You know, in a devilish way.”

“So tell me your fears, then.”

“Come here. Be my weighted blanket.” Phil set in motion his prior desire, pulling at the arm Dan rested against him. 

“You already have one of mine.”

“And I have you, too. Come weigh me down.”

Dan sighed, though the start of a grin outlined his lips.

Phil echoed a similar response, exhaling a long breath as Dan’s body covered his. 

Dan rested against his chest, the top of his head under Phil’s chin, their legs entangled. Dan was the best thing he’d ever felt, and in so many ways. Did it ever feel this perfect for Dan when Phil held him? 

Phil kissed the top of his head, vaguely damp strands tickling his lips. The shower’s cranberry scent drifted through the candle’s bouquet, lurking beneath as a fond memory. 

Phil squeezed him close. “We’ve broken our protective bubble. It scares me.”

“Sometimes it scares me too,” Dan replied without missing a beat. 

Phil slid fingers through the hair at the nape of Dan’s neck. “You’re so beautiful.”

Dan tilted his head back, gazing at Phil. “Are we still on the same subject?”

Phil shrugged. He suddenly felt like a kid in the schoolyard trying to get the attention of the popular guy. “You know I’m not the only one who sees you that way.”

“Phil--”

“Even though we did it ourselves, it’s strange having nowhere to hide. Anyone could come for you and you’re just so....” Phil laughed softly. “Well I already said what you are. Who wouldn’t want you?”

“Firstly, if anyone wanted me, they would have come for me regardless of the video. Secondly, I don’t think anyone quite sees me as fantastically as you do.” 

“Not true. It’s like everyone is after you now.”

“Oh God. You’re starting to sound like me.” Dan took Phil’s face against his palm, gently this time. “Literally no one’s looking at me like that. And I’m not going anywhere.” Dan pinched his cheek. “Who else would so fully accept this dark soul of mine?”

“We’re safe?”

“Is anyone ever truly safe?”

Phil rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, of course, you spork.”

“Any insecurity on my part doesn’t mean I’m not still proud of you,” Phil said. 

“I know how it is. It’s fine. This is different. I get it. I’m right there with you, you know. I’m still watching over you too.” 

“What does that mean?”

“It feels like anyone who’s interested in you is truly interested in you and not just thirsty. That’s even more dangerous. I’ve got a first of the line Phil and I’m not letting you go. Unless you make me.”

Phil suddenly felt exhausted. Emotionally drained of his own doing and drugged on Dan. “I’m your other half,” he said, sleepily.

Dan placed his face against Phil’s chest again. “You’re my light half. I would fade away into darkness without you.”

Phil offered a simple hum. Sleep was welcome tonight. 

“I do like how naughty you get when you’re jealous, though.” Dan skirted a palm across Phil’s nipple. “Tomorrow we’ll play out more of my early AmazingPhil fantasies. You can suck me off and ride me.”

Phil realized just how knackered he was when the only response his body could muster was a smirk. “I reckon I better get some sleep then. You blowing out the candle?”

“You’re closer.”

“You’re on top.”

“You were on top.”

A pause of silence, and then the eruption of mirroring nonsensical noises. 

They were safe.

And it was a good night after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for stopping by and reading! And if you're seeing this note, then hopefully that means you've made it through to the end.


End file.
